Workplace Tips for Being Funny & Making Everyone Love You

1) Be Sarcastic
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but you don't care about that, do you? Your coworkers are idiots, I know. Besides, the lowest form of wit is still wit, right?
Here's a classic: When someone accuses you of being sarcastic say, "I don't even know what sarcasm means," but, and here's the key, when you say it, say it sarcastically. Master this, and you've got the comedic Midas Touch, my friend.

2) "That's what she said."
Use it! No one has ever gotten tired of this, despite our best attempts to kill it, so use it often. One TWSS per six sentences is the ideal ratio.

3) LOLcats
If the Internet has taught us anything, it's that people find misspelled words in inappropriate grammatical constructions to be adorable. Mimic this idiotic trend. It might not be funny, but it will make everyone everywhere love you for always.

4) Arbitrarily Insult
This is dangerous. Some coworkers report things to HR, and some carry guns. Use with extreme caution.
Now, everyone has something slightly odd about them. Find that thing about someone, exaggerate it, and mock it. If you smile when you say it, people will be okay with it. Once that happens you will be allowed to say oddly malicious things at work with impunity.

5) Mock Your Superiors
Listen: you aren't the only one with an unwarranted belief that you deserve a promotion. Yes, everyone is just as delusional as you are. Mocking your boss taps into these feelings, making your coworkers laugh, and making them like you. That's a double whammy.

6) Fake Inability to Hear
If the subject of not being able to hear something comes up, ALWAYS say "huh?" or "what?" This is the evergreen of workplace comedy.
If you have an accomplice, one of you can say "Come again?" and the other can say, "That's what she said." Another double whammy!

7) Respond to Someone Who is On the Phone
Easy to start, but hard to maintain. When someone answers their phone, "Hello," say back to them, "Hello" and continue interacting with them. This will require some improvisation, but the comedic benefits will outweigh the risk of failure, particularly if you are able to completely derail the other person's conversation.

8) Send New People to Look for Equipment That Doesn't Exist
"This memo is too long. I need the paper stretcher to make it all fit on one page." Need I say more?

9) Forward Hilarious Emails Other Comedic Gurus Send You
You can't always appear to come up with things on your own, but you can show your coworkers just how good your taste is.

10) Be Arrogant
Respond to every compliment with "I know."

11) Make Lopsided Lists
Never end a list of anything on an even multiple of five.